Snow Storm

I thought about how each number or letter exudes a color, a distinct personality.

Nine asserts a dark red-orange. K is German and a spy. Two smells of pine and shades of green. Four is dark and old, bent or sitting. As a kid, I loved how the disparate graphemes merged to form a word, a complex relationship, and further on, to sentences. If I had delved deeper then, perhaps I could have carved out a Rosetta stone to translate every single emotion or thought, that the written word could be perfected to define by form. But I didn’t know how to speak then. I barely know how to now.

Weekend in Brief 38

JUN 19 – 22 Vegas. LAX, Cathouse, Seamless, Tao, Puff Lounge. Little bit of everything and not a bit of sleep.

JUN 25 Curry House. Legends Bar.

JUN 26 Hot Pot. Album Leaf @ Belly Up Tavern.

JUN 27 David’s House Party. Legends Bar.

JUN 28 Rock climb. Legends Bar. Drunk Rock Band.

JUN 29 Grandma’s Birthday. BBQ.

* * *

Wish I had something to say but there’s too much life going on. It is a good / bad thing. I need to get away, and get away, and get away.

Not Knots Only Dots

Picture yourself falling.

You are a figure drawn on a white sheet of paper. In each frame, your appendages flail in another awkward direction. Your head, which is a circle, lolls to and fro. A series of vertical lines extend from your body, as if to signify your downward descent. Frightening, yes, and panic shows across your face. The jacket you are wearing flares and hisses. It might be alive or it might be the wind. But since you are a simple line composition, these details are not sketched in: no rattling jacket, no face. And you still haven’t seen anything below you.

While you are falling, you begin to tell your life’s story.

* * *

John grew up and stopped feeling. When he speaks, his voice sounds like a cut-off sentence at the end of a grizzled record exhaling noiselessly over a gray day perpetuated by drizzle. He might smile. But I think he is elsewhere, hidden in the lyrics of those who have figured out how to express themselves. He sends them to me, those meaningless songs, late at night when his eyes are the most vacant. I wonder if it is truly possible to know another person. And if other people exist.

* * *

She says you will fall in love with her but you are unsure, perhaps you don’t care. The world is filled with falling people, how many will lurch in your direction. How many will land. Imagine this: the sky opens up and so many line figures are wrung from the clouds. Either the ground is rising swiftly to meet them or they are dropping away. Perspective, you say. Better to stay close to the ground, you think. Spend too much time hanging in the air, never know when you’ll come down.

* * *

I knew a John once, he was a boy then and during that brief yet tumultuous time, his heart burst with every emotion in acid bursts. Everything he felt bubbled outwards and danced in his eyes and sang on his lips. I watched the watercolors swirl on his face, greens, yellows, blues, pinks and violets, each mash of the painting tray more brilliant than the last. We watched and, in doing so, hoped the wind-up toy inside our chests might stir. When he cried, his tears came forth unabashed. He cried a lot. He laughed a lot. I don’t know what happened.

This Town by Blue Rodeo

Walking through these empty streets this town is dead
Rain is coming harder now upon your head
You can’t get far enough away
What’s it matter anyway
You never win

They handed you map to show you where to go
Gave you everything but what you need to know
You know your friends enough to say
Where they’ll be on any day
Come what may

Surprise surprise
The morning sun is in your eyes
Get up throw that life away
Yesterday is yesterday
And lies they lied
They said you get what you deserve in life
But that’s just not the way it seems
You end up living someone else’s dreams
It’s true
It follows you around
You don’t have to love this town

Friday night beneath the bridge just one more time
You wish that you could leave this dirty town behind
There never seems to be a way
Hold on for another day
You will find

Surprise surprise
The sun that hits your lonely eyes
It wipes out every other day
Yesterday is yesterday
And lies they lied
It’s not what you deserve
It’s what you try and try and try again
Failing’s just a step along the way
It’s true
There’s no one here for you
In time you wait and you will find
The ones who never let you down
You don’t have to love this town