Hard Brake

-no stop, completely
wisely done to sever these strings

connected once i was to [dear lord air bags boom] thought but a cloven
mind cannot think with two heads arguing dreams, how the chimera
manages three i guess a common hunger but paucity it seems is all i
know. below, the feet working pedals, left rudder hard brake to corner
stone;

severed like ties, no with knife to tongue i speak only divided,
query results
these are the days that shall pass in quotidian sorrow, wretched
obduration against a jester’s supplications, spent emoticons,
drive-ins, handed things and memories purchased to be consumed alone
and wondering how all that’s been said so much, so little

the city uttered words like the king in a cowering tower “tow-ard” a
towering coward of moral indignity, no in spring time do not-forget-me
or forget-me-nots all bunched in a room [it’s not you, it’s me] or
wait, reverse, heart break, in spring time rains can flood this town
of winking shoes treading water

miles you’ve
driven me away
more daunting

between two cities, distance, unfathomable distance to make thoughts
like God when speaking to a man and his ark, bring forth two and doves
coo babble talk, was art ever more artless than this, to

make light of one’s own wept-tune, ridiculed cannot trust

this side of venus burns hotter than the other and did you know that
the leaves on fire from what i’ve thought to make this all make sense,
why else this aborted dream. november heartbeats away and then [dear
lord them again] the ageless find solace. if so, if so, then tell you
something new — i’m the last train by, undocked my luggage and poof was
never here, easy to say i’m just a dream in between your daily life,
from whence i came this is i, this is good

bye, my eye broken, leaks all the
time

[Original Post Date: 10/06/2004]

* * *

Weird finding old shit and still knowing exactly what created it, and all the same ashamed for having writ this junkie stream-o (stream-of-consciousness emo), but somehow awkwardly proud yet knowing / owing to packet maturation that nothing like this can ever claim to be future progeny. Oh well. Oh hell.

G[r]eeky

Put together a new system with geeky naming schema:

Labyrinth (main system)
– PC name, housing all below, running XP Pro

Daedalus (virtual server #1)
– Work related, development server running W2K3 Standard

Icarus (virtual server #2)
– Testing, learning playground, flight of fancy running Ubuntu Linux

Ariadne (system drive)
– OS and applications

Minotaur (upload drive)
– staging directory, unsorted files

Theseus (storage drive)
– permanent location, stable and archived files

Poseidon (printer)
– network shared

Specs:

Antec P180 Case w/ 2 120mm fans on
KDS K-2237mdwb 22″ 1680×1050 LCD Monitor
Intel Core 2 Quad (Q6600 w/ G0 stepping) 2.4 GHz – OCed to 3.0 GHz
ThermalRight Ultra 120 Extreme mounted w/ D12SL-12 Fan + Arctic Silver v5
EVGA Nvidia 8800GT @ stock clock – fan boosted to 40% w/ RivaTuner
ABit Pro IP35 Motherboard
Creative Audigy2 Value Soundcard
2GB Patriot Ram @ 4-4-4-12 timings
Western Digital 500GB 16Mb cache SATA
Hitachi 1TB 16Mb cache SATA
Seagate 400GB 8Mb cache IDE
LiteOn DVD/RW SATA
NEC DVD/RW IDE
Klipsch 2.1 Desktop Speakers
Logitech EasyCall Keyboard / Laser Mouse combo

Fast, stable, and completely silent!

San Francisco

DAY1

First day in Bay, and I lose my cell phone. Or rather, a homeless woman walked in to Mason Cafe and took it. Heh. Possibly a good thing, I haven’t received a call since. Need to stop taking things out of my pocket every time I sit down. We drove up in 7 hours despite bridge traffic and pee stops. Met up with my freshmen year roommate, Aditya, and partied it 80’s style @ Cat’s Club. Very nice. So while he’s up there pulling people on stage raising a ruckus, I’m smiling, laughing, the wild energy of hundreds people singing all at once. He thumbs up from his platform across the club. I raise my drink. And now dumbstruck, a two mile stagger to Orchard Hotel, passaging out. Life sure is funny.

DAY2

Was another beer after rounds of sake necessary? No. But the little dive (Chelsea Place) popping around the corner not five steps away… well now. Yes. And we did. What lovely bartenders. Been a wandering day, split up in the morning after breakfast at Roxane Cafe; I discover light on the happy streets of Union Square-ish area. Reconvened in mid-afternoon, crossed Chinatown to the heady selections of Goorin Hat Shop. Quiches and wine at Divine Cafe, admiring the view of fellow conversationalists, and toting a dozen records from Rasputin; we found our night coming to an almost close in sore-footed exhaustion, pulled towards a mostly empty, nondescript Japanese restaurant. Perfect.

DAY3

Late wake, and off to MOMA for hours of hot cultural injection. Running theme. I empathize with kaleidescope beads and all the mad tumblings for art’s sake but did anything ever mean anything, like shades of orange colliding with blue? Maybe she believed in it at first sight but I believe in second, and having met eyes once and the breath on my shoulder about to speak, I ran away. Cafes later, coffees later, another quiche from Cafe de la Presse, hit up Yoshi’s (historical jazz landmark) in Oakland for 2nd set of Bobby Hutcherson. Great sound, even for a non-enthusiast, and oh yea… at the Barnes and Nobles prior, bought a copy of Dave Eggers’ book What is the What.

DAY4

Last night. Walking and talking, dim sum, more coffees. A blur day because while we smile and speak of plans, there is the specter of daily grind. Doubt. Then making of promises, setting limits/goals, proposing actions, and another road trip. Well. Been a good one, this outing, spontaneity and impulsive detours. Non-stop comedy, trading rips. Explored a great deal with purposeful abandon. Unfortunately did not make it out to all the places on my to-go list… Golden Gate Bakery (recommended by Sean) was packed by means of an immobile line wrapping around the building, nor did we make it to Milk (recommended by Christine) as wanted to keep things low key prior to the drive home. Another time. Maybe soon. Finished What is the What and am inspired.

DAY5

Return to OC. Work. Hung out w/ Grandma. Drove back to SD.

Goals for 2008

HEALTH

1. Less drinking / smoking
2. More running / weight-lifting / swimming or surfing / kayaking
3. Wake up early consistently
4. Eat healthier / more than one meal at least twice a week

SOCIAL

1. Volunteer
2. Develop stronger relationships / find similar-minded people

EDUCATIONAL

1. Take the GRE General Exam
2. Sign up for a writing class / attend more than 5 sessions
3. Sign up for a technical class
4. Sign up for an international politics class
5. Sign up for a language class
6. Apply for MFA in English (Poetry?)

ACTIVITIES

1. Learn how to ride a motorcycle
2. Take an overseas trip
3. Take a roadtrip within continental US
4. Write something once a week
5. Try rock climbing (indoor / outdoor)
6. Read one new book at least once a month

CAREER

1. Look into military engineer positions / Navy
2. Find a job local to San Diego / preferably non-profit

BONUS

1. Learn how to play guitar
2. Skydive

* * *

Accomplishing 10 out of the 20 goals = a good year.