A dozen mosquitoes and one cigarette
Beside a hotel light, we watched the fairies dance,
* * *
I’m standing outside, plotting the next step. Sore all over, from sitting in one position too long, from walking all over Chicago, from sleeping on strange mattresses every night. I never knew that a car seat’s microfiber can chafe so bad. We’re at 3000 miles now and it’s funny to think how I had intended to solo this trip, but David has proved to be an excellent travel companion, a great source of conversation to keep the mind active. We’ve crossed huge swathes of land and discovered a thing or two about ourselves. Who would’ve thought.
So last night, we got to a talking about what we’re going to do when we return home in a couple of weeks. I confessed to a mental breakdown; the recent weeks / months / years preceding this trip had been particularly rough, isolating. Hence, the incessant drinking and disappearing acts. It was strange analyzing when that fear crept in, how I had become frightened of living. A person can blame everything but himself.
Long story short, there’s a point where you have to accept responsibility. Something may have happened but your reaction is your own doing just as it is your own triumph. Choices. So. I still don’t know what I will be doing. But there’s a couple weeks left and maybe when I get back, I’ll have a better way of finding out. Here’s to newfound independence and a lighter load. A pleasant night.
* * *
Where we’ve stayed at since last post:
06/11 Denver, Colorado
06/12 Rapid City, South Dakota
06/13 Rochester, Minnesota
06/14 – 06/16 Chicago, Illinois
06/17 Cleveland, Ohio