Inhale. There’s a message to the whole ordeal, how the mind is convinced that the meaning of life can be a thin, white line. It’s immediate. It’s absolute. It’s never again.
* * *
Apr 20-22 James’ BDay Lunch / Get-Together. Allen’s BDay @ ??? (forgot) in L.A. downtown.
Apr 27-30 S.D. / Morena / Red C / Confidential Room. Wine tasting in Little Italy / Apartment Afterparty.
May 01-06 S.D. / Bar West. Bub’s Dive Bar. Etc. Etc. Etc. Couch surfing.
* * *
What I learned on the rooftop, or peering into the cubist jungle of concrete, waiting for the dreamers to finish playing with boundary definitions on arcs of light, is that I am precariously placed on a ladder, dangling feet over unending space; in the sink far below behind a yellow painting of a window are dozens of glassware stained with liquor and reddish wine, lipstick, tumblers of it and stems on vines, all waiting to be soaked in soapy suds (but that comes later, after this devastating high mellows to a gentle rumble). It is a frightening realization of the city, its growling exhaust collecting into consciousness, collective intent slipping through hairy streets and mucus-lined homes towards some towering sin; I am made to feel indistinct, brown / gray / faded blue; all the while, there is a schism forming in my center, one part swinging about the air and the other tugging towards a zen minimalist interior, the room adorned by clarity, pagan warmth. So you left, and I hung about stuttering in the apartment; my halves heard you colliding against streetlamps, shouting that we are all the same but different cells pumping different hollow thoughts, suddenly I cannot help but overwhelm the ceiling with natural affection, eyes catching on so many hooks until they rest on two bamboo sticks crossed natural like a lounging nude. My stomach is beginning to ache but the last door is shutting and slowly, ever so softly, everything inanimate learns to exhale.
* * *
Met so many different people, I had to become wallpaper, watching with great interest at how words are formed to create spotted and blue-speckled rapport.